Peter Bertocci has explained the human experience of sex and explains the value of sex as part of the meaning of life. Regarding sex an end in itself Peter argues that more profound satisfaction is felt when the normal experience of sex lust is not primarily an end in itself but a symbolic expression of other values. Bertocci further explains the challenge in love which he explains through his progression of love in which marriage and its values are highlighted as an essentiality to protect sex and love. He argues that sex, love, marriage, family, and social responsibility are the key factors that bring stability in the society and nourish the values morality. He considers love as a an essential element to live, otherwise it will be a mere existence not living joyously. He argues for the place of marriage in society and emphasizes on the self regeneration of the partners through this novel relationship.
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In my opinion he really draws on personal experience and has a closed minded view. I disagree and will give reasons and arguments in my essay as to why I think that Bertocci narrates a story of an ideal situation.
Difference between Love and Sex:
Psychoanalysis asserts that love and sex can never be of same origin and character due to differences of decisive nature. Love and sex must be analyzed in their own purview and in their purest forms. Sex is related to biology related to some organism; love gives an emotional touch and a sign of individual’s thoughts. Sex is used to eliminate the tense attitude; love can be used as an escape goat from one’s own failure. Sex satisfies a person physically; love gives happiness. Sex has a broader meaning; special meaning is shown through love. Nature’s call can be answered through sex; culture is satisfied through love. Sex is known to millions; millions have not even heard of romance or love. Sex is arbitrary; love is always directed to someone. Sex gives relaxation; love grooms the personality. The taste and pleasure of sex cannot be called later while love can be recalled anytime even in thoughts if the lover is not physically present. Sex is an act; love is spiritual. Sex eagerness is for a short time whereas love is continuous warmth. (Reik, New York: Grove Press. 1945).
Can Love and Lust be combined?
(Reik, p. 19), observes that if love and sex are combined, it is very difficult to assess that which has the most part or share, to be precise, during a sexual intercourse. I believe that it is purely dependant on our perception. It is our own mind and body that drives us to a particular point where we need to think that what should be combined and what should be separated. I believe that there are ways in which sex without love can be as joyous, fruitful and soothing as sex with love. So, the question as to the combination of lust and love, one cannot say that which is more dominating but one can say is that crude form of sex is generated after divorcing love from sex.
Sex with Love:
What Bertocci has explained about love is that through sex with love one gives in everything but Rollo May s Love and Will (New York: Dell Publishing Co.. 1969), says that one will always hold something back until the act is personal, and if we use this word personal instead of love, the context of sex is broadened and sex can be joyful even the partners are not lovers. May further argues that holding off something does not mean that sex will not be a pure sex. According to May (p. 311), relationship and intimacy are much more important factors than merely having sex with a person because of the impersonal society and it is unknown that the act of sex will satisfy the required needs of relationship and intimacy. But what one can say according to May’s stance that through love one is absorbed in another and isolation can be overcome through this. The irony of love is that one is at the same time losing oneself and absorbing the other in him. Mays writings show a lack of understanding of how gratification can be achieved through sex without love.
Analysis of Sex with Love:
Like May many people in this world are unaware of the possibility of sex being a loving act even without being lovers to each other. As I mentioned earlier this is a traditional or closed mind view that sex without love is not as fruitful as sex with love. I reiterate my view that Sex without love allows the partners to have a more relaxing feeling. Contrasting to what bertocci, I would say that sex with love leading to a more chaining relationship which leads to taking each other’s pain, then placing your life in the basket of marriage which will land your life in the rearing of children. Bertocci further asks you to nourish the society through all these preceding acts of yours. Sadly, a true and a happy relationship of sex have been destroyed by the clogging views of writers such as May and Bertocci. Sex should be as free and motivating as a clear sky is available to the bird that goes high in strength and spirits to have a broader overview of the intricacies of this world. This feeling takes me higher and regenerates the true spirit of life and makes me see what the believers of sex with love cannot see or visualize in their thoughts.
Sex without Love:
(Russell Vannoy, Buffalo: Prometheus, 1980) gives some of the examples from the papers of his students. I would like to mention a few; pleasuring my lover leaves me pleasure less as the mind is devoted to his satisfaction, thus disturbing the whole concept of sex. The deeper you get involve in other person and as the other is absorbed in you, the more a person is ceased to be a separate person, which is absolutely not encouraging and equally not satisfactory. The lovers gets cocksure and sometimes the girl does not feel horny, then if the lover pushes her and she refuses, is she getting selfish. I would say no because this might not have been the case with a stranger whom she did not love, a stranger cannot push you for something and one is at liberty to say no to stranger without worrying to dishearten him. Once a lover knows what you are capable of in the bed, he wants repetition whereas a new person will be attracted to the same demonstration. Self-sacrifice is common among lovers whereas no such sacrifice is required to be done during sex without non-lovers.
(Casler, New York: Behavioural Publications, 1973), has argued that love is needed to satisfy the needs of personal insecurity. These needs are dictated to by the societal pressure and those without it are not considered an active part of this so called moral society. Casler’s view shows that people getting loved or love someone are just trying to gain self-worth. With this attitude in mind the sex is most unfulfilling. Considering the older ages when women were not respected, how can males give respect to them in the shape of love? This has aroused women to write the most criticism on love.
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(Robert Solomon, Buffalo, NY: Prometheus Books, 1976), writes that sexual encounters with strangers are the most satisfying ass there is fear, guilt and anticipation. Conversely sex with those we know and love is much less satisfying as the habits and reactions are known to each other which, nullifies the uniqueness among the partners. Moralists paints the picture of sex with a non-lover as crude and animalistic. They still have their view of having successful sex with only the ones you love and the other sex is never pure.
Giving justification to love is just as hypocrite as actually doing hypocrisy during crude sex in love; one says that if I don’t love her I am exploiting her, so he loves to make his sex justified is just another form of hypocrisy. The advocates of sex with love has not allowed the people to think to stop being selfishly loving others to justify the society’s value system. Once this selfish behavior is outsmarted, only then a true loving act of sex could emerge without romantically being involved in the other partner. Many husbands perform crude sex and wives are left unfulfilled. The reason is that wives want a sensuous sex while men want manly, lusty sex which cannot be achieved as they get involved in each other and cannot push for the demands and now when married cannot change husbands. This situation leaves both thirsty for real experience in sex.
Society’s approval is considered necessary and the sex must be given the assent of the pure spirit of love. Otherwise the sex would animalistic and dirty. If this option is considered then, even in sex with love the partners remain unfulfilled and they are not spontaneous and guilt free. I believe that society’s concept must not be involved in sex relationships, as it is only to strengthen the institution of marriage. Marriage will certainly make the experience of sex laborious although the society gives the assent of piety but will ultimately make the people who make the society unfulfilled with regards to their sexual satisfaction.
Analysis of Sex without Love:
I strongly believe that sex without love is much more fruitful and joyous than the sex with love. The reality is still that sex opens the doors for the people to happiness and gratification but when love comes and knocks the door and hugs sex, it suddenly engulfs sex and convinces to move to the next stage of sex with love. I reject this and say that this encompassing is just like going into a war which one choose for its own self without any reason.
The sex without love is the superior, mature and natural attitude which one must follow. The society’s regeneration is indeed laid in the foundations of liberty and freedom of choice which can only be exercised when one has no restriction to follow a particular schedule or guidelines while having sex. I strongly believe in having sex without love for which I have argued in my paper after taking a view of the various aspects of what people want and what people face after taking a wrong decision of landing at a lover’s corner.